Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1194
Latest Activity: 11 hours ago

Just a reminder to all of you over these next few days. The weather reports all over are talking extreme heat. Those of you out West have even warmer temperatures than here in the Midwest or East. Please keep well hydrated by drinking plenty of water. Hopefully all of you have air in your homes. If not, please find a friend or relative that has air and see if you can go there. Otherwise, find out where the cooling centers in your neighborhood or town are and use them. Please take care not to over exert yourself and check in here.

Discussion Forum

Survivor Guilt?

Started by Vickie. Last reply by Barbara Sullivan on Monday. 5 Replies

widowed at 46 I feel so alone

Started by melissa lyons. Last reply by Donna G on Sunday. 1 Reply

Newly Bereaved

Started by Dorothy Facciponte. Last reply by Theresa Wimann Jul 29. 25 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Jane P. yesterday

Janeo, I am playing catch-up sorry for the late response!  I am so sorry to hear of your basement flooding.  It seems Carol and Marsha have give you great advice.  And here is my 2 cents....  When looking for carpeting make sure the padding can be placed on cement or it may dry rot faster then on a wooden underlayment.  And Marsha is correct, you can buy a very inexpensive rug and an expensive padding will make it feel and last as long as a very expensive rug.   Hugs, Jane P.

Comment by Marsha H on August 22, 2014 at 1:33am

Janeo  ...  I am so sorry about the flooding and hope it's all cleaned up by now.  Don't feel bad about making wrong decisions to have something fixed around the house because I've been stung a couple of times, but, much wiser for it.  My first big mistake was looking for a reliable landscaper and last year I thought I found one and this guy (Asian) would come up at night like a blasted Ninja through my rockery spraying so-called environmentally safe weed killer and all through my park-like backyard and killed off a lot of my wild flowers.  What a mess! Of course I fired him.  I often blog companies now or try to go through someone one of my family or friends has gone through.

A couple of tips for you ... use heaters inside to be sure everything is dry.  Then get good, thick underlay for the carpet (cheaper) and a cheaper carpet.  I did that once in this house and it last forever.



Comment by Carol Kayser on August 21, 2014 at 10:08pm
Good luck Janeo:) you will be fine and let me know. Absolutely don't spend a lot of money!! xo.
Comment by janeo on August 21, 2014 at 8:08pm
Carol, thank you so much. I made so many wrong decision s about the house and who I hired which I trusted them and got taken. Don't want to use bad language. I have a hard time trusting lately. Thanks to you at least I know now things to look for. I don't want to spend a lot of money on this house cause I'm not staying in it for long.
Comment by Carol Kayser on August 21, 2014 at 7:18pm
Janeo, I had a flood too a while ago. Thankfully it was covered under insurance. All the carpeting had to be thrown out. It really was a matter of trusting the carpet person to suggest the right carpet. I think it is more based on cost also, ie the less pile/thickness the carpet can be less expensive, like twill. A heavier softer pile would cost more. It also depends on the usage of the room too. If it's downstairs it may be ok to have the lesser type, more durable rug.

Just my thoughts....take care.
Comment by janeo on August 20, 2014 at 6:46pm
Thank you so much for your help. My son and I ripped it up ourselves. A lot of work. We don't have family close and he has to take care if his mother. Richie did everything so I don't know what to do. We checked the carpet and it was bad so we had to throw it out. Plus it hurts cause little by little the things he did is disappearing. How do I know which carpet is good or bad to buy. Again thank you so much.
Comment by Barbara Sullivan on August 20, 2014 at 4:33pm

Dear Janeo -- This past winter, a pipe burst in my garage-converted TV room.  My daughters helped me and we used a Shop-Vac, plus a rug shampooer to suck up as much of the water as possible from the rug.  Then we pulled up the entire rug and padding.  We discarded the padding and purchased new from a local carpet store.  Before laying the new padding, we had to thoroughly clean and dry the cement floor.  We used a mold-killing detergent to clean the floor, then used fans and electric heaters to dry it -- it took 3 days.  During that time, we rolled out the carpet on our porch and inspected it for damage.  Since it was still in good shape, we air-dried it for the 3 days, hanging it over our long porch railings.  we also used fans and electric heaters to dry the carpet backing.  With the help of our teen-aged grandchildren and their friends, we laid down the new padding with new adhesive and the dry carpeting, re-tacking it to the original tack strips.  It was a huge under-taking and we could not have done it without the help of everyone in the family.  A plumber repaired the broken pipe and we inserted an air vent in the wall to allow warm air from the room to prevent the pipe from freezing again.  I know your circumstances are quite different, but I just wanted you to know how our family, working together, was able to overcome the disaster.  In fact, the TV room was originally converted, by my wonderful husband, to be a bedroom for my mother.  Both my husband and my mother are gone, now -- but, I thank God that we are still a family that works together.  My husband could build anything and he taught us all so much about being self-sufficient.

When I first saw the water-soaked carpet in my TV room, I just felt so helpless, frightened and alone -- but, family came through for me.  I wish you success with restoring your flooded apartment, and will remember you in my prayers, dear.

Love and hugs,


Comment by janeo on August 20, 2014 at 11:42am
Hi to all
I had a flood in my basement. I live in Long Island where we got 13" of rain in a 24 hour period. We had to rip up the carpet in the basement apt this we won'tget mold it was soaked. Now I need new padding and carpet. Richie had put in commerical carpets put in . I dont have any idea what to look for when buying a new rug.
thanks in advance
Comment by Wilela Trip on August 20, 2014 at 8:13am

Thank you all for posting that you liked that poem called "Lovers".  This site is wonderful and as Janeo said, it's a great site.

Comment by Marsha H on August 20, 2014 at 3:26am

Hi Frank ...  It's great to see you post again and you have been greatly missed.  We're all still here (sometimes some of us off and on, but still watching this forum) to pick up those that fall as we had have our journey in the unknown future, but we will survive!




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