Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1194
Latest Activity: 44 minutes ago

Just a reminder to all of you over these next few days. The weather reports all over are talking extreme heat. Those of you out West have even warmer temperatures than here in the Midwest or East. Please keep well hydrated by drinking plenty of water. Hopefully all of you have air in your homes. If not, please find a friend or relative that has air and see if you can go there. Otherwise, find out where the cooling centers in your neighborhood or town are and use them. Please take care not to over exert yourself and check in here.

Discussion Forum

Survivor Guilt?

Started by Vickie. Last reply by Barbara Sullivan Aug 24. 5 Replies

widowed at 46 I feel so alone

Started by melissa lyons. Last reply by Donna G Aug 24. 1 Reply

Newly Bereaved

Started by Dorothy Facciponte. Last reply by Theresa Wimann Jul 29. 25 Replies

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Comment by Jane P. 44 minutes ago

Judy, What you are experiencing is what I refer to as the 2 faces of grief.  The first face is the one the world sees, the one that appears to be doing just fine and the other is the face held behind closed doors, the face that shows just how deep our grief is.  Many of us can confirm we too wore those two faces.  At times, I felt as though I should receive the academy award for how well I thought I fooled everyone with my outside face, when all the time my heart was broken.  Unless your therapist and the people you are dealing with have experienced a loss such as ours they have NO CLUE as to the intensity of our grief.   You are one half of being whole and you are trying to reinvent yourself.  You are trying to deal with just waking up and putting one foot in front of the other.  Life is tough and time may make it feel as if life was  easier but for me there is a piece of me still missing and yes I still wear my two faces of grief. Hugs, Jane P.

Comment by Carol Kayser 9 hours ago
Dear Judy. I am sorry about your loss of your beloved John, my sweetheart was John too but went by Jack. It's a hard road to walk but everyone here is caring, loving and supportive. One day at a time is my advice, it helps the loss to be slightly more bearable.

Comment by Carol Kayser 10 hours ago
Thanks so much to Karen, Jane P. Janeo and Barb and Wilela. I hope you know how much your words mean to me. My dear heart was a sweet, kind, funny guy who truly was the only one who could make me laugh. How I miss that! I seem to be so serious now and it saddens me. Though Jack wouldn't want me to be sad I know that for sure!!

Family are having dinner together then going to the park:).

Love & hugs.
Comment by janeo 11 hours ago

You been a great friend and good advice. I wish there was something I can say or do for you.
your in my prayers.
Comment by Jane P. 12 hours ago

Carol, I am so sorry another anniversary is here.  For the rest of the world it is 4 years, the passing of time.  For you it is a struggle, the tears might be less but your heart still longs for Jack's touch, his laughter, his being.  May your day be filled with doing something for YOU!  Hugs, Jane P

Comment by Judy D Gamble 14 hours ago

It has been almost 15 months since I lost my dear husband, John, and every since the 1 year anniversary, it seems I'm struggling even more.  From the outside, people, and my therapist, think I'm doing great...I'm keeping busy, have lots of friends, am involved in many activities and volunteer at church.  I have one son who lives within 70 miles so I see him and his wife about twice a month.  The rest of my family does not live in the same state.  Yeah, everyone thinks I'm doing just fine but they don't know how much I cry when I'm alone.  I miss my John so much - the love of my life and best friend for 54 years.  I try to think of the good memories and not dwell on his last months fighting cancer but even the good memories make me cry because he's not here to make new memories and share in memories of all our years together.  The changing of the seasons gets me down because he really loved the area where we retired to where we have seasons different from So Calif.  He even liked winter.  He was the only one in the world that really knew me inside out and was always there for me, no matter what.  Life without him doesn't seem to be real.  I just seem to try and fill my days to get through until the next one.  I pray every day for God to help me and I am looking forward to the day when we are together again.

Comment by Marsha H 14 hours ago

Wilela ...  I don't generally say much about the special dates I go through.  On our wedding anniversary Aug. 12th I bought the usual greeting card for Ernie and I'll ever break that tradition.  I always wish him a happy birthday.  Although I get teary-eyed as the years roll by (going on 4 years for me now) it does get a little easier. 

I know you are thinking of me and I appreciate it my friend.



Comment by Marsha H 14 hours ago

Dear Diane ... We all know how you are feeling and many of us have had too much death too close together which seems to be an anchor weighing us down.  Never forget that Rich and your father are together, right beside you and will be there with double the strength.  Thankfully with all the angels on this site we pick each other up when one is down and trying to get back up to keep going forward.  Lean on us! 

I feel badly for your step-mother and the best thing both of you can do is just hug each other, cry together and words are not important at this time.  I have learned to cry when I need too to get all the bottled feelings I use to hang onto and it helps. 

It is such a good idea to go to a bereavement counselor for a few months to gain more strength.  My grief group stopped during the summer months (the worst of times for me as so many couples are active during those months), but they start up the 2nd week of September and I'm going back!  They have suggest I counsel a group because unfortunately there are more members.  I hope the offer is still up, but there are times I feel like leaning on someone myself.

You're going to fine hon and Rich and your father are right there for you.  Believe!

Love & Hugs


Comment by Wilela Trip 14 hours ago

Marsha - I didn't know that Ernie's birthday was yesterday.  Sorry I missed it - I'll be thinking about you.

Comment by Marsha H 14 hours ago

Dear Carol ...  There are no comforting words I can give you other than I do believe one day we will join them once again.  I know how you feel as our wedding anniversary was Aug. 12th and Ernie's birthday Aug. 30th. 

I so miss Ernie's warm smile, his touch and would give all I have to have him back, but we know that's impossible.  What they did leave us is their wisdom, strength and fond memories and I also believe when we are at our lowest they are there by our side giving us encouragement and the strength we need to go forward in our lives.  We are all different as we know and grieving takes time where we once again can just hold onto the good memories and not mourn so deeply.  My prayers are you my friend.

Love & Hugs



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